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I know he must have felt my hymen. How he must hate me. How he must view me: as a pathetic and sad creature. I know a 22 year old, virgin girl seems unbelievable and ridiculous. Not completely innocent, and not entirely without needs. But I never wanted to go too far with a guy, true, part of me did want to wait for my husband to take me on my honeymoon but I had planned on that not being for years. He’s stopped and is putting my clothes back in order. He might want to get rid of me. God, what will I do if that happens? -I removed my finger and helped to put her to rights. She looks scared, why is that? Oh, how I want her right now. We should go back in, and let my father know we’re ready to get married. But why is she afraid, she just pulled away from me? -‘What is wrong? Why do you recoil from me?’ ‘Do I have to say it out loud?’ He must be trying to humiliate me. -‘I guess you do, Jasmine, what is wrong? Did I do something?’ ‘You…you realized I am a..virgin.’ I couldn’t look at. She came over hot and faint and appalled with herself for doing this. And at the same time, the churning in her stomach began its downward trajectory.It felt as if she could just about hold herself upright. If she’d chosen heels perhaps she wouldn’t have, but she’d been sensible and elected to wear ballet flats. Nevertheless, she still imagined she was wobbling, and hoped she didn’t look drunk. As she reached the other end of the footbridge, the relevant instruction was playing in her head. There was something to do before the descent.This time she did it properly, reaching back and lifting her skirt so that both buttocks became visible, but only for a split second. Any longer than that was unthinkable. There were surely people behind her after all, including the man.She kept her eyes on the steps as she made her way down them, not just for the sake of her footing, but because of the shame. This was no way for a respectable sexton to behave, and yet here she was, casting aside all.
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